Dear Friends,
In an interview with The Paris Review, memoirist Mary Karr spoke about her experience of prayer:
“Prayer lessens fear. It reduces self-consciousness, [and when I] attend [to it] I kind of forget myself. It’s strange though,” she continued, “I know [that] praying a steady hour a day would make me a happier human unit, but I don’t do it. Do you know why?”
“No,” said the interviewer.
“Me neither...”
I resonate with Karr’s sentiment. Why don’t I pray more? Undoubtedly, it has to do with laziness, distraction, and my slavish obsession with being productive, but there are also moments when I’m content, focused, and not at all bored at the thought of prayer, and I still don’t do it.
My lack of prayer probably implies a lack of faith: I don’t pray as often as I’d like because I’m afraid of being disappointed. I fear getting all excited about getting an answer only to be left hanging.
Admittedly, my fear of being disappointed stems from a faulty understanding of prayer. I’m probably not alone in unconsciously believing that God is like a cosmic vending machine. You put in enough quarters, out pops a Coke; I put in enough prayers, I get what I want.
There are many texts in Scripture on prayer that should discourage us from such an impersonal understanding. Nevertheless, the overall witness of the Bible makes clear that the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ wants us to pray, to petition him for what we need, to be shamelessly persistent in our engagement with him.
The Scriptures emphasize persistence not because prayer is a transaction, but because It’s about connecting with the living God. It’s about entering into communion with a being – a person – who is always right at hand. The one who has no need of relationship, who is complete in his triune self, desires it with you and me anyway.
And so, may the same God who invites us into relationship with him, lessen our fears, reduce our self-consciousness, and create in us new and prayerful hearts.
Grace and Peace,
Ben
“Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)
All the best on your sub stack. During height of lockdown 2 years ago I read a number of works by Henri Nouwen who often reprimanded himself for not taking time to truly pray, often to the point of berating himself to a disturbing degree. I’ve often struggle with concept of prayer. I feel more comfortable with some sort of structured prayer such as compline rather than a more free form way of prayer. And asking God for things or help makes me feel as I’m using God as Santa Claus which doesn’t feel appropriate for me. Anyway one of my goals of the class I’m taking at St James these next 7 weeks is to get a better grasp on prayer and find a way to incorporate it into my life in a meaningful way. And your post helps to serve as another brick for me in helping to build my prayer foundation and may it help others who read this.